Exploring Sexuality Through Journaling
Journal prompts to help you self-reflect on attraction
Figuring out what you want from your relationships can be challenging, regardless of whether you have been in a relationship or not. Entering the dating world can be one way to explore your sexual and romantic orientation. Direct experience connecting with others can help you discover what you like and dislike.
However, for people questioning their sexuality, it can be difficult to even know where to start. Self-exploration and reflection through journaling can often be a great starting point for gaining comfort and insight. Here are some journal prompts to consider, in no particular order.
What expectations were placed on me regarding attraction and marriage, if any?
Who placed these expectations on you? Who did not? Were there consequences for family members or people close to you who did not meet these expectations?
Did/do your feelings align with these expectations? In what way?
What does attraction feel like to me?
What physical sensations do you experience when you are drawn to someone? Is there a distinction between feeling romantically, sexually, or platonically attracted? If so, what feels different about each type of attraction?
Have I had any crushes? What attracted me to them?
If you have liked someone before, what stood out about them? Certain physical features? Aspects of their personality? Shared interests? Did the attraction feel romantic? Sexual? Platonic? A combination?
If you haven't had a crush, take a moment to notice whether there are parts of you judging yourself about what you should or should not feel for others. Be open and curious, and think about what drew you to your friends or the people closest to you outside of family. Consider whether your feelings fall under sexual, romantic, or platonic attraction. Keep in mind that there is no right or wrong answer.
Have I dated anyone before? Am I dating anyone right now?
How did the relationship start? How did you feel at the beginning? How did your feelings evolve as time passed? (Or how have they evolved up until now?)
If the relationship has ended, why did it end? How did you feel at the end of the relationship?
Across your past relationships, do you notice any patterns?
What do I currently want out of a relationship?
What do you want emotionally? Romantically? Sexually? Logistically? Do you want these needs met by one person or multiple?
What types of sexual and/or romantic relationships in media am I drawn to?
Consider movies, TV shows, music, books, and fanfiction, as well as erotica and pornography. What is it about each relationship that resonates with you? Are you drawn to different dynamics in different media?
Are there any labels I know that resonate right now?
Consider what types of attraction you do or do not experience (romantic, sexual, emotional, platonic, etc.). Is gender identity a factor in what attracts you to people? How about gender expression?
If gender is a factor, which genders are you attracted to? Does how your gender is perceived by a person impact how attracted you are to them?
Consider different relationship configurations, if you wish. Exploring sites with lists of different sexualities, like this one, can be helpful. But it is also completely okay if no label seems to fit!
If I imagine my life 10 years in the future, what does it look like?
Take yourself through what you’d want an ordinary day to look like. Who would you encounter throughout your day? What would you do together? Who do you see yourself coming home to after a long day at work, or who do you see walking through the door at the end of the day?
Think about a holiday that you typically celebrate. In the future, how do you see yourself celebrating it? With whom are you celebrating?
Do I want to talk to someone about my sexuality or experiences with attraction?
Are there family members, friends, or other loved ones who would listen to and support you? If so, do you feel comfortable discussing your feelings, and do you have the language to discuss them?
If you are experiencing uncertainty about aspects of your sexual or romantic orientation, therapy can also be a safe, nonjudgmental space to talk about it. As a queer and trans therapist, I understand the trickiness of navigating a heteronormative world and how hard it can be to distinguish your true feelings from the norms and expectations placed on you. I would be honoured to be a part of your journey of self-discovery. Feel free to book a consultation with me by filling out my contact form here.
