How to Find Your Therapist
Getting the most out of your therapy consultation
After months, maybe even years, of struggling, you've decided that you are finally going to do it. You are going to start therapy.
The first step is to consult with potential therapists, but you are not quite sure what you are looking for beyond logistics, such as fees, location, and availability of virtual or in-person appointments that fit your schedule.
As someone who has been on both sides of a consultation call, I know it can be overwhelming to figure out whether a therapist is right for you. There are many great therapists out there, but you want to find one who matches your needs. It's all about that match, both in terms of expertise and general ‘vibes.’
In other words, you want effective treatment for what brought you to therapy, but if you don't feel safe with your therapist, it is unlikely the therapeutic work will happen in the first place. Below is a list of considerations for therapy consultations to help you — and your potential therapist — get the information you need to determine whether you are a good fit.
What am I seeking therapy for?
This is pretty straightforward: If you are looking for therapy to address grief, you don't want a therapist with no interest in or experience working with grief. If you have multiple issues you want to work through, you can share them during the consultation so that your potential therapist can determine whether they are suited to support you with all of them.
You may also want to ask about how the therapist approaches therapy for your specific presenting concern(s). Knowing what to expect going into sessions can help ease your nerves and set your expectations, especially if you are new to therapy.
What am I looking for out of therapy?
While the previous question was about what you are bringing into therapy, this question is more about what you want to get out of therapy. You do not need to have specific goals, but it can be helpful to ask yourself, “How will I know if therapy is working? And if therapy worked, what would my life look like?”
For example, some people want to learn specific skills, such as coping skills to manage anxiety or interpersonal effectiveness skills to improve relationships. So they may know therapy is working if they can effectively implement skills they have learned in therapy in their day-to-day life. Other people may simply want a non-judgmental listening ear and a safe space to talk about their troubles. Therapy may be working if they notice improvements in their mood and stress levels.
Is there a specific treatment I'm looking for?
Sometimes, people want a specific modality to treat a particular diagnosis, such as EMDR for PTSD or CBT for major depression. If the therapist doesn't offer the particular treatment, you can ask what they use instead. You can also ask your potential therapist to give a brief overview of a modality if you are unfamiliar with it.
If you've attended therapy in the past, you may want to think back to what qualities about therapy you found helpful and unhelpful. For example, if DBT did not work for you in your previous therapy, you may want to look for a therapist whose primary modality is not DBT.
However, there is a distinction between a therapist's modality of choice and the therapist's approach to therapy. The modalities they use — DBT, CBT, psychodynamic, ACT, IFS, and so on — are like building blocks. The unique approach each therapist has to their work is how they assemble those blocks. Thus, therapeutic modalities can work and feel very different depending on the therapist using them.
Are there aspects of my identity or lived experience that are important for my therapist to understand?
A therapist can be a great match for your presenting concern(s) and what you are looking for out of therapy. However, particularly for marginalized folks, that therapist may not understand important parts of you. When it comes to race, ethnicity, sexual orientation, gender identity, religion, immigration status, age, and other aspects of identity, there can be significant knowledge gaps between you and your potential therapist.
Knowledge gaps exist when the therapist lacks important information and education about your identity group. For example, a therapist who does not know about elements of gender transition or what gender dysphoria means would have a significant knowledge gap when working with a transgender client. This type of gap can be particularly problematic if you find yourself consistently needing to educate your therapist about basic things related to your identity group. If you need your therapist to have a good understanding of a particular part of your identity, it may be helpful to seek a therapist with a similar identity or one who specializes in work with your identity group.
Identity and lived experience are often tied to what you bring to therapy, so it is important to consider whether your therapist can view you in a multidimensional and intersectional way.
What qualities do I value in a therapist?
Think about disposition and personality. Do you want your therapist to be warm? Direct? Neutral? Emotive?
During your consultation call, ask yourself whether you would be comfortable talking to and being honest with this therapist, or if you at least see yourself developing that comfort over time.
Even though there is no one therapist out there that is a perfect match for every client, rest assured that there is a therapist out there for every client. That is why I offer free 15-minute consultations to every person who is considering working with me.
I understand that I, like every therapist, am not the best match for every person, but we may be a good match if you are:
A transperson at any stage of transition struggling to navigate a cisnormative world,
A devoted and hardworking family member, friend, or career person who is looking to unlearn some people-pleasing tendencies and add some balance to your life,
A student feeling uncertain and anxious about your future (and the future of the world as we know it),
A musician wanting to lean into your creativity while fighting perfectionism, or
A queer and poly person of colour searching for ways to live authentically in every realm of life.
I would be honoured to be a part of your journey. Feel free to book a consultation with me by filling out my contact form here. And if you have any questions about what therapy could look like, please don’t hesitate to ask; I am happy to answer!
