Gender Exploration is Self-Exploration
8 ways to explore your gender
Gender exploration is not exclusive to individuals questioning their gender identity. It is a form of self-discovery with the ultimate goal of learning more about yourself, which can benefit you, whether you are trans or not. There is no pressure to reach any particular conclusion. If you discover that you want to express yourself or your gender differently, that's great. If you discover that you like the way that you express yourself currently, that's also great.
Here are eight ways you can discover more about your gender and how you like to express yourself. Remember: follow the joy, whenever, wherever, and however it manifests!
1. Journal
A tried-and-true method for self-exploration, journaling can provide insight into how you think. When you journal specifically about your experiences with gender, you can get better at identifying related emotions, including patterns of when and how they appear. You may also discover situations that bring you euphoria — or dysphoria — which can help you incorporate habits into your day-to-day life that bring more joy.
To help journal daily, you can set aside a specific time every day or find a way to build journaling into an established nighttime routine. While some people prefer using a physical journal, others may benefit from using an app that sends reminders and provides prompts. I use How We Feel, which provides a range of emotion words for you to choose from, helping you learn to identify subtle differences and patterns in emotion states.
2. Make small changes to physical appearance
Part of exploring your gender can involve experimenting with your physical appearance. It can be overwhelming to make big changes or to go public with a new look, so sometimes, it can be helpful to make incremental, small changes and gauge how each one feels over time.
For example, you can try wearing a new accessory such as a ring or bracelet or wear a new pair of shoes. These more subtle changes have the added benefit of potentially being accessible if safety is a concern in experimenting with your gender identity. You can also choose when throughout your day you want to wear the accessory or shoes.
Some other options include painting your nails, cutting or growing out your hair, or wearing a piece of clothing you do not usually wear. If it feels relevant and comfortable, you can also try out trans/nonbinary-affirming gear such as binders, packers, gaffs, and breast forms.
If changing your real-life physical appearance is not feasible, you can try playing video games while using different avatars that more closely reflect your desired look. There is no right or wrong when it comes to self-expression, and there is certainly room to get creative with it!
3. Try out different pronouns and names
There are many options when it comes to gendered language. For pronouns, there are your more ‘traditional’ pronoun sets — she/her, he/him, they/them — neopronouns, and the ability to mix and match and use multiple sets. For names, you can create a new nickname with your current name, try out your middle name, or pick a completely different name.
Like physical appearance changes, gendered language changes do not need to be permanent or 100 per cent public. Your pronouns or name are not fixed if you don’t want them to be, and you can experiment publicly or privately. You can try they/them pronouns with your work colleagues while using xe/xem and a new nickname with your best friends. You can use she/her with a chosen name with classmates while using he/him and your given name at home.
If you do not have trusted people in your day-to-day life that you feel safe trying out pronouns with, there are other ways to experiment. You can decide to only use different pronouns or neopronouns in online spaces. You can even try singing along to or listening to songs that use the pronouns or language you want to use for yourself to figure out what feels right.
4. Use the Gender Unicorn
The Gender Unicorn includes multiple axes, including gender identity, gender expression, assigned sex at birth, physical attraction, and emotional attraction. There is also space to list particular labels to describe your identity, so feel free to look up different gender identities and see whether any labels resonate. (And remember: it is completely okay if nothing seems to fit!)
5. Engage with art
Art and music, as forms of self-expression and media of self-discovery, can provide different perspectives from which you can learn about and understand yourself. Engaging in and reflecting on the emotions elicited during artistic activities — such as painting, drawing, sculpting, playlisting, writing song lyrics, singing, or playing an instrument — can help you explore your gender.
6. Go to an LGBTQ2S+ meet-up
Meeting people who engage in different forms of self-expression and have gone through (or are still going through) the process of exploring their gender can expose you to a greater realm of possibilities for your own gender journey. Building new connections can also provide more sources of support as you discover more about yourself.
7. Research elements of transitioning, if relevant
If you determine that social, physical, or legal transitioning is part of your gender journey, there are some great resources out there. The Canadian government provides information for accessing different gender-affirming care options. Transgender Map is incredibly comprehensive and includes resources for transgender and gender-diverse folks, people questioning their gender, and allies. JusticeTrans specifically provides legal information and resources broken down by province. Finally, if you are considering hormones or surgeries, consulting with your doctor can ensure you fully understand how those interventions may impact you specifically.
8. Attend therapy
Therapy can be a great place to explore your relationship with your gender identity as well as how you understand gender as a concept more broadly. Therapists can also help you connect your experiences with gender to other aspects of your life, such as culture, upbringing, schooling, and sexuality.
As a trans therapist of colour, I understand how difficult it can be to disentangle our felt sense of gender from societal gender norms and cultural expectations. I would be honoured to be a part of your journey of self-discovery. Feel free to book a consultation with me by filling out my contact form here.
