How Do I Do Therapy?
Curiosity, creativity, and other values I use in my sessions
A question I often hear from people in my life — both in my role as a therapist and outside of it — is, “How do you do therapy?”
It feels that no answer I or any therapist can give would really answer the question. “I do therapy by doing therapy” is redundant“; Therapy looks different from client to client” is more accurate but not helpful; “I don’t know” does not inspire much confidence. I could talk about therapeutic modalities I use, but two therapists can both claim, say, cognitive-behavioural therapy as their modality and go about using it two completely different ways.
As with most things, I find the answer in values. After all, values guide action. Here are seven values that I espouse in my practice, many of which carry forward into how I act as a person outside the therapy room, too.
Flexibility
Think “go with the flow.” There are some parts of my life in which I enjoy structure, and I can negotiate adding structure to therapy sessions. However, I tend to be more unstructured in my approach. I introduce psychological concepts and tools based on what is discussed, and I do not need to discuss concepts in any particular order.
Integrativeness
I integrate acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT), internal family systems (IFS), and narrative approaches. Narrative techniques help me frame session themes and topics. ACT supports emotion regulation and values work. IFS or parts work allows for exploration of one’s inner world. Some clients want more internal work that leans on IFS or parts work; other clients prefer tools and work on more ‘external’ issues related to relationships and work using ACT; still others want to work on both the internal and external, which is when narrative approaches can be particularly useful as a bridge between ACT and IFS.
Non-Judgment
One of the many benefits of therapy is that the therapist has no personal agenda or stakes in the choices you make in your life. I am not here to project my own life goals and beliefs onto my clients. I am here to support them in discovering more about themselves and improving their relationships, including their relationship with themselves.
Thoughtfulness
Listening is my strength. So when I am silent in session, it does not mean that I’m not hearing my clients. If anything, it’s the opposite: I am thinking deeply about their words and giving them a chance to process and feel any emotions that are coming up as they talk.
Humour
I am a fan of adding a dash of levity to sessions. Laughter can let people sit in the heaviness without it consuming them, especially if they still have tenuous relationships with certain emotions. Humour can be that bridge from feeling threatened by the emotion to getting open and curious about it.
Curiosity
Okay, this one is huge. I love asking questions; it must be a holdover from my time as a student journalist. I lean into my curiosity to encourage clients to get curious about themselves, their relationships, and their beliefs. I find that as people start to notice and pay attention to the stories they tell themselves, their feelings and thoughts, and the themes that constantly pop up in their lives, they feel less scared because the thoughts/feelings/stories are less foreign. In getting curious, people can take back some of the power those things have over them.
Creativity
This final value is another one that matters to me a lot personally and professionally. Art and music can be amazing media for expressing oneself and exploring thoughts and feelings. I see creativity as a way to be curious — a way to expand one’s perspective and promote flexible thinking.
It’s not a coincidence that many of my values bleed into each other. Curiosity naturally leads to creativity, which encourages flexibility, leaving more room for thoughtfulness and humour to fill the space, and so on. The values I act on in the therapy room are ones I wish to model for people who may also find them helpful to act on.
Bonus: I’m Not Solution-Focused
Something that may set me apart from some therapists is that I do not consider myself “solution-focused.” I believe that people can often find their next best courses of action within themselves; the problem is that this can be hard to do when people do not feel comfortable with themselves or in their bodies — when they are afraid or unaware of their thoughts, their feelings, and the stories they tell themselves about their lives.
It is hard to navigate a labyrinth if there is no light to guide you.
Self-curiosity is the name of my game. It is the desire to explore one’s inner world and discover more about oneself and one’s values. I use therapy to reconnect people with themselves and link their stories to how they live their lives — including how they handle their relationships, career, and self-expression. I can help clients brainstorm and talk through different courses of action. However, I prioritize client agency, autonomy, and self-efficacy in making choices for themselves over my own judgments.
Of course, one article about how I do therapy still probably does not fully encapsulate what it is like to work with me, which is why therapy consultations can be helpful to assess fit. I would be honoured to sit with you through life as we know it and collaborate with you to work toward what life could be. You can book a free 15-minute consultation with me by scheduling an appointment here.
