Home for the Holidays
Taking care of yourself while visiting family
To mark the start of December — and, for many, the holiday season — I’m gifting a guide to spending the holidays with your family. Being around loved ones can help combat the winter blues, especially if familial relationships are supportive and positive. However, many of us navigate tricky family dynamics. For LGBTQ2S+ individuals, blood family and chosen family may differ. The holidays can mean returning to an uncomfortable — or even unsafe — environment.
Whether you are dealing with one problematic uncle or an entire anxiety-inducing family tree, taking care of yourself and maintaining healthy boundaries while sharing the same physical space can be overwhelming. Even those of us who love our family members don’t necessarily ‘like’ them all the time. And even if we generally enjoy their company, being in the same place 24/7 can be hard, especially if we aren’t used to it.
If you are dreading the “most wonderful time of the year,” you are not alone. Here are some tips for caring for yourself this holiday season with your family.
1. Notice signs of feeling overstimulated
Even people who love being with family can get overwhelmed. Next time you notice yourself feeling overstimulated, take note of the physical sensations you experience. Anxiety symptoms, your emotional state, and your level of focus can also be key indicators that you need to take time for yourself.
Being able to pinpoint overwhelm before it overwhelms you can also help you determine your limits ahead of time and communicate your boundaries. For example, if you know your family is going to throw a big holiday party, you can tell them to expect that you will spend time alone before the party or during a portion of it.
For those facing rejection in unsafe environments, especially LGBTQ2S+ folks, an exit strategy can be valuable. Options include finding a safe space in the home, contacting someone you trust, or, if tensions worsen, making a plan to go elsewhere.
2. Find coping strategies that work for you
When you think of “coping strategies,” you may imagine more ‘traditional’ methods, such as grounding exercises, deep breathing, or journaling. If these strategies work well for you, great!
If not, that’s okay. Engaging in hobbies or creative pursuits, such as reading books, listening to music, or painting, can reduce stress. And yes, watching comfort TV shows and YouTube video essays can also count as coping strategies.
3. Connect with your support system
Prioritising family during the holidays does not mean you’re not allowed to spend any time with other people in your life. In fact, staying connected with people around whom you feel safe to be yourself can be crucial, especially if you are in an unaffirming environment. Your support system may or may not include specific family members, friends, partners, and other community members.
When you crave connection but also need space from the people in your dwelling, making plans with people in your support system can help. For example, you may decide to have a phone or video call with your partner every few days. Or, you may make a concerted effort with a friend to meet up in person at least once over the holiday season.
4. Savour joy when it occurs
Family can be stress- and anxiety-inducing. However, family can also make you happy. Find those moments and experience them without worrying too much about the past or future.
And if this is a case of you needing to return to your family more out of obligation and less out of actually wanting to be there, you can still find joy in certain elements of the season. Tune into your five senses: the sight of decorations and lights, the sound of cheerful music or a holiday movie, the smell of baking or seasonal candles, the taste of hot chocolate or eggnog, and the feel of comfy sweaters or heavy blankets.
Even if you manage overstimulation, employ coping strategies, connect with your support system, and savour joy, the holidays can still be less than pleasant. Winter can zap motivation and social batteries, and the holidays can remind you of what you have lost: people, relationships, jobs, homes. As a therapist, I can support you in navigating complicated feelings around home, family, and the holiday season.
I would be honoured to sit with you through life as we know it and support you in working toward what life could be. You can fill out the contact form here to book a free 15-minute consultation and learn more about the therapy process.
